Five weird things you didn’t need to know about Denver International Airport

Screen Shot 2013-12-25 at 11.58.04 PMDenver International Airport (DIA) is one of the busiest airports in the nation, but did you know it’s also the caffeine hating home of the New World Order?

According to Foursquare, I’ve been to DIA at least 50 times. Here’s some crazy stuff I’ve learned over the years.

The gargoyle in baggage claim

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As the airport neared completion in the early 90’s, bugs in the automated luggage delivery system delayed the grand opening. It was such a mess that they eventually scrapped the whole system. The debacle was even featured on the History Channel’s Engineering Disasters show.  As a result, a gargoyle now guards the baggage claim area to ward off the evil spirits that crashed the old system.  Works for me, I just want my bag now, thanks.

The time capsule in the main terminal

NWDIA

Three cheers to the Freemasons for consistently screwing with people over the years.  In this case, they built a time capsule in the airport that suggests the airport was commissioned and operated by The New World Airport Commission.  Of course, this commission doesn’t exist, but that hasn’t stopped thousands in tin foil hats from contriving a theory that The New World Order built a secret bunker underneath the airport.

The killer blue mustang

Photo, courtesy of Brad Mcginley Photography
Photo, courtesy of Brad Mcginley Photography

The 32 foot blue mustang with glowing red eyes really awesome and creepy at the same time. Apparently, part of the statue fell on its creator during construction, killing him. The artist’s assistant had to finish and deliver the $300,000 piece of art without him.

Alien Runways

DIA is home to the longest runway in the United States. Normal people think they built it because planes take longer to lift off in the thin air of the mile high city.

“We are not alone.”

Alien conspiracists know it’s because this is where the aliens are going to land. Don’t believe me? Just ask Steven Spielberg, who said he dreamt most Close Encounters of the Third Kind before creating it. The coordinates for the alien landing zone used in the 1977 movie are pretty much the exact location of DIA today.

The caffeine hate

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I don’t buy into the alien, illuminati conspiracy stuff, but riddle me this. Why is it so hard to buy a freakin’ diet coke, or get a decent cup of coffee at DIA? There’s only one Starbucks, and it’s to hell and gone, down at the end of Concourse B. Really? One Starbucks? The 10th busiest airport in the world? One Starbucks? To make matters worse, not one of the Hudson News outlets in the entire airport sells Diet Coke, Regular Coke, or any other caffeinated drink for that matter. Just water. It’s gotta’ be a conspiracy.

All of this just makes you think. What if all the idiots with tinfoil hats stopped focusing on Freemason shenanigans and focused on something that actually matters? Like, where do I get a decent espresso on my layover?

Author: @tcar

I will fill out my bio as soon as I have time.

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