I love a good debate with my friend Rob Hahn. Sometimes we debate on the future of real estate, or on who should make some power-list of muckety mucks. Sometimes we debate on more topics like gun control, or the pros and cons of poligamy. Those kinds of debates are really the most fun. I haven’t had a good debate with Rob for a while, so allow me to express myself.
“Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” is the greatest rock and roll song #ofalltime.
These are the top ten reasons why I am right:
1. Because rock and roll is about being the rebel that wants to ravish some pour schlep’s innocent daughter. No band in history epitomizes this better than The Rolling Stones, and no song in their arsenal epitomizes the band better than “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking.” It’s Babe Ruth calling his shot. While singing this song on tour, The Rolling Stones are practically announcing to the audience that, “we’re here to steal your daughters.” #epitomeofanepitome.
2. Because the song is four minutes longer that originally planned due to an impromptu jam at the end that they decided not to cut out. Mick Taylor recounts,
“We didn’t even know they were still taping. We thought we’d finished. We were just rambling and they kept the tape rolling. I figured we’d just fade it off. It was only when we heard the playback that we realized, Oh, they kept it going. Basically we realized we had two bits of music. There’s the song and there’s the jam.”
Rock and roll is really just the bastard son of the blues, and this impromptu jam pays tribute to those roots.
3. Because Nickleback sucks. Okay, this isn’t my strongest point, but it still needed to be said.
4. Because Keith Richards’ 23 second guitar riff intro is some straight up, Robert Johnson at the crossroads talent on display.
5. Because the song is number 17 on Rolling Stone Magazine’s list of 100 greatest Rolling Stones songs and #25 on its list of “The 100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time.” Considering the accuracy of Rolling Stone Magazine, that essentially makes “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” number one #ofalltime.
6. Because Power Ballads are freakin’ lame. Attention all rock stars, nobody cares about your *feelings* or your “artsy side.” For this reason, songs like “Stairway To Heaven,” “Home Sweet Home,” “Dream On,” or pretty much any song recorded in the eighties simply isn’t up for consideration. “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” is the antithesis of a power ballad.
7. Because the song is featured in its entirety in Martin Scorsese’s movie, Casino. It was also used in the trailer:
Are you really going to argue with Martin Scorsese? Really?
8. Because the music may have died February 3, 1959, but rock and roll lives on. I don’t want to hear about your marching band’s loitering exploits… Don.
9. Because if you were gonna say the greatest rock and roll song of all time was from the Beatles, you’re dead to me. Dead.
10. Finally, because “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” was released on the highly acclaimed album, Sticky Fingers. Beyond the fact that it was the best Stones album ever released, the cover art for the vinyl, conceived by Andy Warhol, features an image of a man’s crotch in tight jeans with a working zipper. A WORKING ZIPPER! #supermetaepitomeofanepitomeofanepitome.
For these reasons, I am confident in my assertion that “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” is the greatest rock and roll song #ofalltime. Rob? Anyone? Got a counter argument? Bring it.